Over the Christmas holidays the Mini that I bought for the boy a year and a half ago died. Kernel panic. Seizure. Kaput.
Tonight we went to the Apple store and bought him a new one. Got it home plugged it in, booted up; all good. Plugged in the speakers. No go. Checked the jack, shone a light in the hole; all good. Odd. Tried the internal speaker; no sound. After fiddling with the system preferences and googling “mac mini audio jack” I decided I had a dud.
Normally, when you buy a dud at a retail store you take it back, show them the receipt and there’s an exchange, more or less. But the thought of taking a product back to the Apple store fills me with tremendous anxiety.
Tomorrow I’ll attempt to exchange it, meaning I’ll wait for 3 hours at the “Genius” Bar then be made to feel stupid for not being able to use something that “just works”; except that it doesn’t. I can feel the anger rising inside because there’s nothing quite as frustrating as a customer service experience that starts with the premise “we’re the geniuses; therefore YOU’re not.”
That’s not to say that I’ve never gotten great service at the Apple store. I have. The guy who sold me the mini tonight, for example, total ace. Friendly, helpful, had no way of knowing he was selling a dud.
But the thought of walking up those stairs to that “Genius” Bar is not unlike some Tim Burton-like landscape where a counter manned by snarling tattoed and studded devil mimes and a giant backwards-moving clock emanating striped Leopard snakes and spider-legged laptops walking on the ceiling while some Oliver Platt-like pirate creature wearing a black turtleneck with “sense of child-like fright” written across the front whispers “what seeeeeeems to be the PROBLEM?!?” in my ear just barely flicking his tongue into my earlobe and I wake up SCREAMING.
Maybe I can live without the audio.
Written by Mike Monteiro on February 4, 2008 | 
10 comments so far. Add yours below.
Michael Sippey says:
You could always get one of those USB audio adapters (higher quality!) and just forego the audio jack entirely. Might be worth saving yourself a trip to the "Genius" bar.
February 4, 2008 10:46 PM
richard winchell says:
Apple is the Bill Bellichik of computers: total genius, totally arrogant. I went searching through their help docs for defragmenting my hard drive and the faq said "oh, you shouldn't ever need to, Macs have such huge hard drives you'll never need to." Right, and my Pats went 19-0 this year.
February 4, 2008 11:00 PM
Anonymous says:
FAQ. Well, they got the FIRST letter right.
February 4, 2008 11:03 PM
Michael Buffington says:
I've had nothing but good times at the genius bar.
A fan in my MBP starting honking like a goose, so I took it in. They didn't have a fan in stock, but new a local store that did. They called up the store and had one of the employees there drive it over while I ate dinner at a place nearby. The whole experience, from walking in the store to verifying that it no longer cried foul (I had to) took an hour and 45 minutes.
The second time I purchased a 24" iMac, brought it home, and a day later discovered I'd bought a 17" iMac (and paid for a 17" iMac). I took it back and all was sorted out in about 30 minutes. 4 days later I returned that same 24" iMac that didn't have a thing wrong with it aside from just becoming the "old iMac" - Apple updated the iMacs that day. Another 30 minutes and all was sorted out. I even got some money kicked back to my card as they newer, faster iMacs were cheaper than what I'd paid for the older one a few days back.
@richard - actually, as far as I know you don't need to defragment because of how the file system works. I could be wrong, but I've certainly never needed to defragment.
February 5, 2008 12:42 AM
Mike K says:
I recommend using the online Genius reservation system: http://www.apple.com/retail/geniusbar/
You'll still have to wait an hour, since they're perpetually behind, but it'll be one hour, rather than 3. Also consider selecting an Apple Store that's not particularly convenient (say, the Stonestown one) and going there rather than the Union Square one.
February 5, 2008 12:52 AM
Gord Fynes says:
I just cooked my wife's mini and am now eyeballing a 24" iMac.
I shan't be pushing the envelope as to when I can upgrade my PowerBook to a MacBook Pro.
February 5, 2008 2:15 AM
minxlj says:
@richard - never ever needed to defragment a Mac drive in 15 years, honestly! What was the problem with yours?
I'm eyeballing the 24" iMac too...so tempted!!!!
February 5, 2008 3:33 AM
Anonymous says:
if you're bringing back a defective machine within the return policy you don't have to have a genius bar appointment for a replacement. they should be able to swap it out right then after getting a manager of back of house genius to look at it. ask for a manager.
February 5, 2008 8:01 AM
richard winchell says:
I'm always shuffling files on and off, and having been used to XP, I am accustomed to defragging every now and then. If Apple's help said "oh, the file system works in such a way as to alleviate the need for this" that would be fine, but it basically says "Apples are great because you don't have to". Which is somewhat arrogant.
This is a different discussion, but I think the arrogance I associate with Apple comes more from the user base (I was one of those guys a couple of decades ago) than the company, but the two reinforce each other.
February 5, 2008 7:14 PM
mh says:
this might be of interest
http://docs.info.apple.com/article.html?artnum=25668
February 9, 2008 5:20 PM